It's Not Too Late

If you have a child under the age of four—and you really want them to succeed* in this country—start teaching them how to be dickheads.

Raise their allowance for selfishness—stiff them if they do something kind.



The Yes Men

*Success is measured by an obscene accumulation of wealth—Lotto Nation,

and

I'm joking about turning kids into monsters, I like kids.